The need to succeed. I think a lot of us all like to think we have that drive in us, the NEED to make our mark on the world. Travel to places before everyone else, set trends, be someone others look up to, get promoted consistently, buy a house by the age of 25, have the perfect body & stay humble whilst doing all of it.
But it’s all a load of bullshit right? I’m determined, and want it all, but sometimes it is physically not possible. How many REAL people manage it? How many people can actually say they are doing everything they want and getting it right every single time?
You think “oh god, I haven’t done that or thought of that, I am failing at life” and that just leads to you wallowing. How many times do you sit there and worry about the fact that you’re worrying? Worrying that you actually cannot be bothered to do anything that day, but should because hey, you have the need to succeed. You HAVE to always be working and always pushing forward, otherwise you don’t deserve success.
We live in a world where you have to be a workaholic to be taken seriously. Reach certain goals by a certain age, save certain amounts of money, do a certain amount of things. But why is that the case? Success is defined differently depending on who you are. It’s not the same for everyone and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad if your view on success is not the same as everyone else.
Some people LOVE to travel for example, have a NEED to live and breathe it. Don’t get me wrong, I love holidays, and I love being able to explore the world, but going on a solo adventure on my own for 6 months is something I genuinely wouldn’t like to do, and it is not a defining factor as to what I believe is succeeding in life. Others may disagree, but it doesn’t make me someone who isn’t succeeding in life!
When I was younger, I would find myself forcing things all the time. I forced myself to like certain trends and to do certain things to come across successful or admired, and I just ended up unhappy. Why does everything I do in life have to please everyone else? What about pleasing myself?
Why do we feel the need to conform, or to have certain goals just because it is accepted to do so?
Mostly, we are always burning ourselves out, trying to push ahead of everyone else & achieve our goals as quickly as possible. But what ever happened to enjoying life? Actually LIVING it? I think the most realistic and happiest people are the ones who go with the flow. Being conscious of their goals and what they want out of life, but also enjoying the rollercoaster that it is. We can put in 110% effort into being successful, but then take no time to enjoy that success. What is the point then?
I want to be able to relax a bit without thinking shit, I’ve done fuck all for 2 days. Fact is, we all need to do fuck all for a few days sometimes, as it regenerates our energy, and allows us to focus on working toward the next thing we want.
Before social media, we didn’t give a shit about what Dave from secondary school was achieving in his spare time, cause we had no love for Dave. But we see him popping up on social media and actually, he’s bloody going places. Suddenly you sit there and think, shit, I’m behind. I haven’t done that yet. I can’t afford that. Why didn’t I think of that?
The ironic thing is, I’m the biggest example of someone who falls in this trap. I regularly compete with myself and with others; and sometimes with people I don’t even know. It’s a healthy way to motivate yourself, but in large doses it can just make you unhappy.
There’s no denying I have that need to succeed, and loads of you tell me that all the time. People in my life tell me they admire me, simply because I’m always pushing towards the next goal. I am always hearing “Char, just relax woman. Enjoy what you have done and look at what you have achieved at just the age of 21”. The thing is, those people are totally right. Sometimes, I don’t take the time to just enjoy what I’ve done.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts
It stems from my fear of falling behind & not living my life to the full. And personally, I think a lot of us suffer from that on a daily basis. But from my experience, it can really get you down if you focus on it too much.
I fail to understand ALL THE TIME, that actually, you won’t always succeed. Failure in life is not a negative as it can only teach you something and spur you on to achieve something else. It is the hardest thing to remember that, which I totally get because you think hey, I bloody tried my hardest; why did I fail?! Whether the failure be a job rejection, being dumped by someone, failing your driving test or not being able to reach a certain number of followers (I feel ya), somehow you automatically put it down to you not being good enough, or not trying hard enough. I promise you, that is not the case.
be thankful for the hard times, for they have made you
So what are you actually trying to say Char? I’m saying, just live. Don’t worry about what Dave is doing, don’t worry about where Beth is going, worry about you. Anything you want to achieve can be achieved and no one will take that away from you, except you. You are the only person who can take it away, if you forget to live and enjoy the life you are working so hard to succeed at.
So have that need to succeed – drive and ambition is so important. But also have that need to bloody enjoy what you achieve. Eat that cake after you smash out a tough workout, buy that handbag you’ve wanted for ages when you’ve worked loads of overtime, and don’t be afraid to shout out about yourself. No one is obligated to care about you apart from you, so do a damn good job of loving yourself. If you fuck up, just learn from it! Lastly,
Ultimately, we should all have the need to be happy. Happiness is what makes life worth living and it makes you appreciate everything you have. Success is just one small element of achieving happiness. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful!