Do you remember the times when we didn’t know the minute details about other peoples lives? Better yet, randomers, or people we hadn’t met in person, we really didn’t care about. Out of sight, out of mind is a saying that sums this up for me really – if what others were doing & achieving was out of sight, it wasn’t there to bother you. We didn’t compare ourselves because it wasn’t shoved in our faces so much.
In the world of blogging, it is SO easy to compare ourselves, and I am guilty of it all the time. Why can’t I grow like they are? What are they doing that people love? How can I improve my following, improve my pictures, improve my engagement? It all swirls around my head, and sometimes it gets too much. I have to remind myself that actually, I have come pretty far in a short space of time, and I bet I am not the only one who feels this way.
Social media is powerful and it is amazing, but there is a dark side to it. Unrealistic “goals” and lifestyles are portrayed to us, young girls & boys grow up with unrealistic expectations on what is reality. I am grateful that I was a child who grew up with realistic expectations on life, body image and personality. Luckily, I was allowed to grow up without too much focus around my appearance.
There is so much pressure to be #goals, start your own business at 10 years old, own 5 houses by the age of 25, be perfectly fit with zero cellulite and unreal make up and lastly, be undeniably happy whilst doing it all.
Whatever happened to having the comfort of real life making us feel more relaxed about things? I talk to people I know and we all laugh about how disastrous our lives are compared to the perfect lifestyles we are taught to strive for. Barely being able to get out of bed in the mornings, deciding to have chocolate for breakfast and falling asleep at 8:30pm after skipping that gym session you’ve been meaning to have for weeks and next thing you know, you’re having a breakdown at what a failure you are.
You, me, and so many others my loves! That is real life. What we see on social media is a distortion which quite frankly, can make you feel beyond shit from all of the bloody comparisons we make on a daily basis.
I LOVE blogging and what it brings to my life. It is so powerful, and I have met so many amazing people through blogging. However, my self-confidence has taken a big battering because of it, to be completely honest. The reason for this, or at least one of the main reasons, is from constant comparison to others. And let me tell ya, it ain’t good mate!
With the above in mind, how do I turn this negative thinking into a more worthwhile habit? What things can I do to stop the constant comparison to others? I have listed a few things I have learnt in the hopes it can help you who is currently reading this!
We are not wishing to be that person, we are wishing for the same idealised perception people have of that person
When you think about it, you know you don’t want to be someone else. You just want that perception that others have of that person to be the same perception you give out. Fact is, you will never know or experience what perception you put out there, so you may as well be who you are and embrace that. Chances are, there are a lot of people who are comparing themselves to you, and I know for a fact I would tell them being me isn’t really all what it is cracked up to be!
You always start out with worst odds
How easy is it for us to choose our worst traits, and then put them up against the best traits of the person we are comparing ourselves too? Too easy. The fact is, that is always unfair, and will always result in you “losing” the comparison game. Logic and numbers cannot be applied here, so you will never come out with a solid answer that definitively tells you who wins
There is nothing to gain from comparison – you can only lose
When you play the game of comparisons, you either lose, or really lose (cheeky Game of Thrones adapted quote, don’t hate me). You won’t ever come out of a comparison game feeling like you’ve made any positive progress, I promise you. You will only lose confidence, self-belief, happiness and most importantly: precious time!
No one in the world will ever do a better job of being you, than you!
If being yourself was a competition, you would win that every time. That being said, remember that there will be others out there who probably sit there and wish they were you. They will constantly compare themselves to what you are doing and how you are carrying yourself. If you knew of people who do that, would you continue pining over that other person and who they are? Cause I know I wouldn’t!
It doesn’t matter how many people tell you how amazing you are. If you can’t get on your own side, you won’t move forward.
You hear about these amazing people who have thousands of people that absolutely adore them, yet they are still infinitely unhappy. Mainly, it is because they don’t love or support themselves enough. Reassurance definitely helps, don’t get me wrong, but it can only take you so far in this battle.
Remind yourself every single day the successes you have achieved
No one can take anything away from you unless you let them. You are unique and your experiences are personal. Everything you have accomplished in life is entirely down to you, through your own hard work, motivation and self-belief.
Appreciate more by competing less
Particularly in the blogging world, sometimes it is often forgotten that someone else being successful does not dim your shine or push you out of the running. Congratulating others on their success and then using that to drive you forward is the positive you can take out of a situation that normally has you wallowing in self hatred. Being bitter never suits anyone, and it can be quite an off putting trait!
People like nice people. People admire supportive people. Most importantly, you will like who you are. So, if you do end up inevitably comparing yourself to someone, theres an extra positive trait to throw into the mix.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to, is you.
This one is a fair game, because you are comparing the same person. There are tangible things you can compare, and you know yourself better than you know anyone. You just have to consider: have you made progress from yesterday? Are you trying new things? No matter how small a step you have taken, you are doing everything right in order to grow and become the best version of yourself. Self comparison is the only comparison you should allow in your life.
So, why do we constantly compare ourselves? We will never be another person, we can only be who we are. We are unique, and that is what makes people love us. Sometimes, we just have to stop comparing, and just be.